When you’re experiencing failure in your life after having put in effort to be happier, to have a better relationship, or to make your business dream a reality, it’s paralyzing. You put in work, and the results tell you it didn’t pay off. Why continue? What’s next?
The couch sounds good. So does some ice cream and potato chips. And maybe a side of depression with that, too.
Can you relate? If so, this post offers you a very practical tactic to overcome these feelings of failure so you can rewrite your story, refreshed, happy, and renewed.
Why failure happens when you’re trying your hardest
We all seem to be used to pressing on, especially in the face of heartache. We’re convinced that if we just do more or go harder it’s going to work itself eventually… we’re just not enough at the moment, and we just have to keep going.
Or we’re going to bury ourselves in work or video games or alcohol so we forget about it. And the truth is these are sneaky pleasures.
They feel good, feel rewarding, so we think they’re helping us, or they’re making us happy, or they’re actually healing us.
But we have to take a wholistic approach to this; we have to look at the bigger picture. If one part of our system stops working, it’s all affected. In other words, as Kyle Cease quoted in one of his workshops, “If you pee in one part of the pool, you pee in all of the pool.”
When things don’t work out, it’s not the world telling you you’re not enough. It’s simply time to bring up your shit and deal with it.
See, patterns occur in our lifetime because we have unprocessed emotions. When we dismiss our past hurt, embarrassment, shame, or heartache, we’re going to keep experiencing it until we feel it fully. Only then can we release it and fill that void.
I’ve been in this situation many more times than my ego is comfortable with.
One particular time I invested an uncomfortable amount of money into one of my businesses only to see zero return for it. And then I was left with so much embarrassment and doubt in myself, so much anger and resentment towards the people and situations that didn’t work out, and so many questions, but no answers.
I just shut down.
At the surface, I wanted to blame everyone and everything, but I knew I could only look to myself, and I knew I couldn’t blame myself because that was going to keep me stuck. So instead, I took an unorthodox approach.
How to purge angry emotions after failing
My background as a reiki practitioner, priestess, and spiritual-minded person told me that there was something more to this. I wasn’t sure that the situation was going to turn around, but I needed to overcome this failure emotionally if I ever wanted things to turn around.
When I wanted to be against myself more than anything, I had to be on my side, but it tore my heart up too much to do that, so instead, I envisioned myself as two separate people: my victim self and my bully self.
This allowed me to fully feel and process the pain of being the victim and fully feel and process the anger of being the bully.
I let the bully spit angry words at me, the victim, and I felt the pain fully, not running away from it or trying to push it down.Once she let all her hateful words out and felt better, the victim in me had a chance to practice using her own voice.
In my mind, I switched from one role to the other and said to the bully, “I need you to be on my side. I need you to give me space to try, and to fail, and to learn. That’s the only way we’re going to get where we want to go. I need you to be patient.”
Seeing that I, the bully, had been depleted of the rage inside of me, I was able to hear those words from myself clearly. “I need you to be on my side.”
And I apologized to myself.
What I got out of this practice
When I was finished I realized I was able to express and process all emotions instead of figuring out which one I should listen to. That often was the exact reason I held onto my emotions… I didn’t actually know how to let them go.
I empowered the voice of the victim inside of me that needed to be heard, and that strengthened my voice in all areas of my life as well. I overcame this role, too.
And perhaps most importantly, I was able to get on the same page with myself and finally accept where I was, lovingly.
Afterwards, I was able to get clear on what direction I should have been heading in, one that was much more fulfilling and worthy of growth. I trusted the process, and things started flowing. I just had to get out of my own way.
Remember this when you doubt yourself:
Life is not about winning or failing. You’ve worked REALLY hard to become the person you are at this moment. You’ve showed up for yourself time and time again, and while people around you may have supported you in some ways, no one else could actually do the work except you. Your bully owes credit to you for this.
Your body is doing the best it can. Your brain is doing the best it can. Your soul is supporting your human-ness, holding space for you, and loving you at every little turn. And you can’t change that beautiful truth.
If you felt guided to try this out, please share what you were able to overcome from it by leaving a comment below. I genuinely want to hear from you and help you through your process.
P.S. Having someone to help you relax and get some clarity while you’re going through this is not only helpful but necessary. We’re not meant to go through anything alone. If you’re looking for a spiritual mentor, let me see if I can help you.